Q for Quarrels and Quick Resolve

4.20.2011

Field trip to local University Science Labs
I have a confession...
Most of time when I feel overwhelmed with motherhood, it's because I am managing something poorly. Here is what I mean. The following scene usually happens when I am cleaning, driving, cooking, on the phone, or Driving...You get my point.


( names have been changed to protect the guilty)
Lathan: MOMMMY!!!!!! LeSeth hit me.....
ME: LeSeth stop hitting your sister...
silence (repeat)

Lathan: MOMMMYYYY! LeSeth did it again...
ME: LeSeth what did I tell you?
LeSeth: I didn't do anything! She is lying
ME: OK I hope you are telling the truth because...bla blah blah(mom talk)

Lathan: MOMMMYYYY! LeSeth did it again...
ME: LeSeth what did I tell you?
LeSeth: I didn't do anything! She is lying
(now Mama is mad because I watched him do it)

ME: LeSeth say sorry to Lathan
LeSeth: SSSSorry...stupid...
ME: Excuse me what did you call your sister?...
LeSeth: lies, excuses, more lies, excuses...
ME: Since you want to act like a mean-E you are going to miss out on activity X for the day...blah blah blah...(more mom talk)
High Stress..(where are the Other kids?)...Drawing on the sofa with a sharpie!


What did I just teach my children...NOTHING!!!!

First of all I should not have let it go that far. This is poor management. With my new technique, silly disputes don't go that far anymore and I do not have to walk through  every little argument with the young ones because they can handle it on their own. Now I don't have to raise, lose, or strain my voice!
There is a new technique in town.
I take it, back its not that new. 
I just have not been training my children to use it.
Until now...
Try this with your kids and even in your own life.
 I guarantee less stress, less screaming and its way cheaper than therapy.


The Technique
#1. When one of children comes to me and says they have been offended. I ask them if they have talked to that person that offended them about it yet? Have you told them you did not like what they did?


If No..I say go and talk to him first and work it out. ( Usually it ends here they work it out and its all good)
If yes...I ask, did they stop? if they did not stop we move to step 2


#2. If the offender has been confronted and they did not stop then I take the offended to the offender and all three of us talk. If the behavior continues I remind the offender that they need to respect others, and treat others better than they would want to be treated. They are also reminded that Dad will be home in a few hours and they can have the case reviewed by him. At this point all Quarrels  are ended.


No Screaming. No lying. No stress.
Modifications are made per situation. There are days when no fights happen because my kids really are great. And other days everyone just has to go to bed really early! ^_^




How can you apply it to your life?
Simple ( Kinda)
If someone offends you go to THEM and talk it over. 
If that doesn't work you may have to bring in a mediator and confront the person again.
Yet often the best thing to do is simply forgive and move on.


This Post was written because I am their Mama and I don't want that Drama.


2 Timothy 2:23

Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments,
 because you know they produce quarrels.



How do you deal with disputes, quarrels, or arguments?



4 comments:

nutschell said...

great post. Im sure many other mothers can relate to the trials of motherhood.
Great meeting you through the A-Z!

nutschell
www.thewritingnut.com

Shannon Henrici www.mybabyclothesboutique.com said...

Love it!!!! I like your calm way of handling the disagreements. You are right we all need to lighten up and resolve our differences. Thank you for the great ideas - I agree with no drama. Who has time for drama? I am just trying to get through the day without losing my mind :)

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Tracy said...

What a simple but effective method for sorting out arguments! I think I'll be using that tip when my kids get older!

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